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THE ART OF Giving

Why do we give gifts?

Whether consciously or subconsciously, we use gifts to further our agendas — to impress, pacify, fulfill obligations, win others over, one-up, score points, call in a favor for the future, use as a tool for guilt or manipulation, earn bragging rights or even boost our own egos.

But when giving comes with ulterior motives, agenda or expectations, it transforms a thoughtful gesture into an unspoken contract.

UNSEEN MOTIVES

Consider a friend who generously gifted his favorite cousin. The gift was ostentatious and grand, and financially, most certainly a stretch. Beneath the surface, it was more about making a statement – a loud declaration of success and importance.

In essence, it became a gift to himself as it catered to his needs and insecurities. His needs were to be respected by his family members and desire to feel important.

Take another example of going out of your way to buy an expensive watch that your significant other has been ogling over for years. They adore the gift and are thankful for it. But when they forget your birthday, resentment creeps in.

Some of the thoughts that run through our mind include —

“How could you forget? Do you remember that gift I got you last year and how special I made you feel? I had to save up for two years to get you that gift! I did all that for you and you couldn’t even remember my birthday? You’re so ungrateful.”

Subliminally, we expected them to reciprocate and make us feel special, turning the gift into a subtle demand. The demand is that we want them to make us feel special. And attend to our needs and desires.

Such scenarios reveal that our “gifts” often come with unspoken expectations, unbeknownst to the recipient. This accountability is akin to holding someone to a contract they never agreed upon.

THE INVISIBLE CONTRACT

Everyday situations mirror this dynamic. We unknowingly make the recipient sign off on an invisible contract, creating unrealistic expectations. They were never given the opportunity to accept or reject the terms of the agreement. And yet, we deem the acceptance of our gift as their explicit sign-off to our invisible contract.

This notion is ludicrous; one party’s acceptance of a gift does not constitute a fully executed contract!

Conversely, recipients should not expect future gifts. Anticipating annual rituals or gifts of equal value creates unspoken obligations, contributing to a cycle of unmet expectations.

THE CHOICE TO GIVE

No one forces us to buy gifts. It’s our choice. If we seek something in return, we should communicate it. Without communication, we shouldn’t anticipate reciprocation. Yet, our illogical thoughts and expectations demands so. Thus, creating unnecessary pain.

We become the architects of our own pain and heartache.


True giving stems from introspection and honesty.
Ask yourself —
What is my intention in giving this present?
What do I honestly want in exchange for this gift?
Am I expecting a specific reaction from them?
If they hurt me and are no longer in my life 5 weeks or 5 years from now, will I regret giving this gift?

The art of giving is giving from a place of love and abundance, with pure intentions and without hidden agendas or expectations.

Release and Let Go.

Additionally, how the recipient receives the gift is their journey. How the recipient receives the gift and what they do with it, that’s their journey. Once given, let go! The art of giving lies not only in the act itself but also in relinquishing control over its aftermath.

Published: December 4, 2016

Twizted Myrtle is sustained by readers like you. As a solo creator, crafting each piece demands significant time, money and resources. Your ongoing support, big or small, makes a real difference. If the content here enriches your life in any way, please consider becoming an ally as a sustaining patron.

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Twizted Myrtle is sustained by readers like you. As a solo creator, crafting each piece demands significant time, money and resources. Your ongoing support, big or small, makes a real difference. If the content here enriches your life in any way, please consider becoming an ally as a sustaining patron.

SUPPORT NOW
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From Global Roots to Unearthed Truths

Asha was born in India, raised in Oman, and lived in London before settling in the U.S. Her multi-continent, multi-cultural, global experience was a clear predecessor that fed her insatiable curiosity – and the inspiration for her defining Twizted voice.

As a rare breed, she’s truly mastered the art of metamorphosis in body, mind and soul. In her first adult incarnation she graduated Magna Cum Laude from ASU and pursued a vibrant career in the hospitality industry. Then, she grew new wings. Ever intrepid and intrigued by the unknown, she launched and helped grow a thriving e-Commerce technology company with her business partner, proving herself as an entrepreneur and demonstrating both the skills and resolve required of a woman intent on succeeding in a male-dominated industry.

In 2014, she boldly stepped into uncharted territories again, starting a new venture, Twizted Myrtle, in pursuit of her undeniable thirst to confront and create consequential social change. Few understood why she would leave behind a burgeoning e-Commerce business that served marquee clients like Amazon, Samsonite, Viacom, Pokémon, Red Bull, Taylor Swift and other household names – all during the pinnacle of a successful career.

The impetus for leaving the traditional business world for a less conventional path was intensely personal; a deafening voice and inimitable force inside her told Asha that she needed to contribute to the world in a very personal and life-changing way. Asha found herself in the throes of depression and new depths of loneliness. She was acutely aware her “success” was empty. Like many, she had lost her soul in the daily grind of chasing unhappiness.

Ironically, during this time, her depression revealed spiritual clarity; it connected her to the struggles of others who face the same suffocating walls of relenting darkness. Photography became a sacred respite that unleashed a strident voice; like a caged tiger set free, she could never again return to the confined existence dictated by society.

Twizted Myrtle became the multi-pronged platform to confront social issues that we’ve been plagued with for centuries. To break free from these vicious circles, she challenges what we accept, without question, as “wisdom,” and our conventional way of thinking through artistic means – provocative writings, thought-jarring podcasts and captivating photography.

Bringing a refreshing curiosity with the unique empathy of a true global citizen, she speaks with an open mind and unfiltered honesty on a host of issues where most would fear to tread. Her work compels us to see and think differently to help unlock our mindsets from self-imposed limitations. In doing so, she seeks to help people break free from the invisible chains that enslave us as oblivious prisoners. 

Shit that others say about me

Asha was born in India, raised in Oman, and lived in London before settling in the U.S. Her multi-continent, multi-cultural, global experience was a clear predecessor that fed her insatiable curiosity – and the inspiration for her defining Twizted voice.

As a rare breed, she’s truly mastered the art of metamorphosis in body, mind and soul. In her first adult incarnation she graduated Magna Cum Laude from ASU and pursued a vibrant career in the hospitality industry. Then, she grew new wings. Ever intrepid and intrigued by the unknown, she launched and helped grow a thriving e-Commerce technology company with her business partner, proving herself as an entrepreneur and demonstrating both the skills and resolve required of a woman intent on succeeding in a male-dominated industry.

In 2014, she boldly stepped into uncharted territories again, starting a new venture, Twizted Myrtle, in pursuit of her undeniable thirst to confront and create consequential social change. Few understood why she would leave behind a burgeoning e-Commerce business that served marquee clients like Amazon, Samsonite, Viacom, Pokémon, Red Bull, Taylor Swift and other household names – all during the pinnacle of a successful career.

The impetus for leaving the traditional business world for a less conventional path was intensely personal; a deafening voice and inimitable force inside her told Asha that she needed to contribute to the world in a very personal and life-changing way. Asha found herself in the throes of depression and new depths of loneliness. She was acutely aware her “success” was empty. Like many, she had lost her soul in the daily grind of chasing unhappiness.

Ironically, during this time, her depression revealed spiritual clarity; it connected her to the struggles of others who face the same suffocating walls of relenting darkness. Photography became a sacred respite that unleashed a strident voice; like a caged tiger set free, she could never again return to the confined existence dictated by society.

Twizted Myrtle became the multi-pronged platform to confront social issues that we’ve been plagued with for centuries. To break free from these vicious circles, she challenges what we accept, without question, as “wisdom,” and our conventional way of thinking through artistic means – provocative writings, thought-jarring podcasts and captivating photography.

Bringing a refreshing curiosity with the unique empathy of a true global citizen, she speaks with an open mind and unfiltered honesty on a host of issues where most would fear to tread. Her work compels us to see and think differently to help unlock our mindsets from self-imposed limitations. In doing so, she seeks to help people break free from the invisible chains that enslave us as oblivious prisoners.